Eulogy
It’s good to see you all, although there are more pleasant reasons to get together. We’ve gathered to celebrate the life of Mary Jo Frederick, or Aunt Jo to many of you. Our family is smaller by one, but by one who will not soon be forgotten.
Mari Jo always knew what she wanted, and wasn’t afraid to tell you about it either. Her behavior covered a wide range, clear up to, and including, scandalous at times. I have wondered if she didn’t miss her true calling; instead of working with files and records, maybe the perfect job for her in her younger days might have been working for the Navy teaching all the new sailors the proper way to cuss and carry on. She mellowed out in the last few years and shrugged off the drinking and party crowd, focusing political issues and the Environment.
She had been dealing with serious health issues for several years, but when she started getting sick this time, Mari Jo didn’t realize how sick she was getting and waited too long to call for help. By the time she had been taken to the hospital at Newton and then transferred to University Hospital in Iowa City, her condition was much worse than it had ever been. By the time we got the call on Tuesday, her heart had stopped once and she had been resuscitated, but she wasn’t expected to make it through the night. She did, but Wednesday at midnight she was still in grave condition. As her condition continued to worsen, the doctors said that they could try alternative steps, but that if she survived those procedures, her recovery at best wouldn’t really be called living, but merely existing for whatever time she had left. She had put up a good fight, but the six adult family members at her bedside agreed that it was time to let her go. The machines were disconnected and she took her last breath just a few minutes later.
But the story doesn’t stop there. She wanted to donate her body to medical science so that even in her death, she could help others. When she was younger, she was usually concerned only about her environment, but recently had determined to make a personal difference in the world. Because she once had hepatitis, she was ineligible for the donation program, as well as the organ donor program. Then we found a way we could help her with her last wishes. The hospital mortician explained that if the University could do an autopsy, the team would include students who could compare the prescribed treatments with what they found inside and learn to become better doctors, thereby helping other patients who might be in the same situation someday. In this way, Mari Jo's last wish was fulfilled.
If someone is thinking, “I wish I had gone to the hospital,” she would probably said, “Stay home with your family. There’s plenty of support already here.” Being there wouldn’t have made any difference. She hadn’t moved, responded, or even opened her eyes in her last hours. She wouldn’t have known you were there. The difference is that our last memory of her was lying in that bed, face discolored and swollen, hooked to machines forcing her to breathe. If your last memory of Aunt Jo was one where she was having fun, sipping on something tall and cool, and being outrageous, then be thankful; your last memory of her is much better than ours.
We spent the next few days straightening up her home, cleaning, working on small projects, and preparing to take the final account of her life's work. I realized that we were finishing up the final details of her life, and that someday others would be doing the same for us. But until then, we can resolve to honor her memory by taking her advise and finding ways to make the world a little better. The one way to do that is by working to make ourselves a little better, and thereby improving the world around us.
Let us choose to love more and let go of hurts sooner, to forgive more and accept more, and to live with open arms and hearts rather than with closed minds. Hey Jo, that’s a pretty good idea. You go girl, rock on! So long for now. Love, Jerry.
Update 12/26/09 The pic above, which looks like a small headstone, is actually an urn with MJ's ashes inside. Tentative plans are to bury her in the Earlham cemetary this summer when more people can get back for a memorial. Since urns only have to be 3' deep, the cemetary will allow her to be placed above Grandma Vivian. Close to her mother is where she would have wanted to be, and everyone will know where she is. More info later.
Let's do a "Remember when Aunt Jo did......?" or "What I like best about Aunt Jo was..." comment section. Send me Frederick memories and I'll post 'em here for all to share. jerry@pastorjerrylive.org
12/28 Carla Frederick wrote: I have so very many great memories of her. And so many fond memories of her with so many of you! Karl's wedding, drinking games at her house with Sandy, and Jo and Grandma picking me up in Sioux Falls to name just a few. As difficult as times like these are, they are so much more difficult for me, being so far away from most of you. I wanted to take this opportunity to say how much I love and will miss Aunt Jo.