| Searching for Love?
How quick we sometimes are to blame our past partner for the failure of a previous relationship, while overlooking our role in the situation. God is not a magic genie who will just drop that special person right into our laps just because we have asked. He has to consider the welfare of the person He may send to us. Will we have acquired the additional skills to make this new relationship work? What will be different about this time? The bottom line is this: if we can't love and trust ourselves, how can we expect to find someone else who can?
There is a process of self-forgiveness, acceptance, trust, growth, and love we must work through before God entrusts us with the love, care, and stewardship of another of His beloved children. The same steps that I included in "What God Can't Do" apply if we are already in a relationship that could be better.
Love Block #1 Vows. Vows are so simple to make that we often fail to realize we have made a vow, yet they are the strongest and most destructive of all love blocks. A simple vow uttered while in the pain of a broken teenage romance can block the flow of love for a lifetime while staying hidden deeply in the subconscious mind. The vow is able to block love even though the person may now believe with all his or her heart that they want and need to experience love. A vow in one of the partners of a marriage can sabotage an almost perfect romance of “super compatible soul mates.”
A vow is powerful because of the way the brain remembers things. The brain stores memories in locations similar to post office boxes. We find our mail because we remember the box number.
The brain uses emotions as a placeholder in a similar way. The greater the emotion associated with the memory, the easier it is for the brain to recall the memory. We usually forget the “small” things because there is little emotion associated with them.
The pain felt when a relationship ends can be traumatic. Unfortunately, that pain is an excellent way for the brain to remember where it has stored the memory. If part of the memory contains a scene where a hurting person says something similar to, “This pain came from love. I never want to feel this much pain again. Therefore I will never love again,” a permanent vow has just been made.
Because the subconscious is locked inside a bony skull, it has no way of knowing the actual degree of danger to the person. Its job is to protect the life of the person, and it just sensed extreme pain. It perceives the pain as a threat, and begins to protect the person from the “danger” associated with love. Unfortunately, even if the person feels better next week, the subconscious has its orders to protect its owner from the “pain of love” forever.
Recalling and retelling the story of how the vow was made is effectively “naming it,” the first step in breaking its power over us. But just making a statement that, “I am now going to break the vow,” is not going to have much result, even using, “In the name of Jesus.” The strength of the vow is related to the amount of emotion felt at the exact time the words were said. The key in defeating the vow is to make a declaration such as, “I am free to love again,” with as much, or more, emotional energy than was present when the vow was made.
The vow isn’t really broken; it is replaced with another stronger vow, only positive this time. The vow in the example was made with pain as the driving force, and it can be “broken” with pain, or other emotions such as joy, sadness, or anger. It is the intensity of the emotion, not the type, which determines whether the vow will be replaced or not. Some people can accomplish freedom from the vow by themselves, but someone or a group for support is almost always better. While working in this area, be prepared to see the unexpected. Love will be worth it.
After working our way through Chapter 11, we may find that love comes looking for us. copyright 2007 | | Get my FREE Spiritual Growth Lessons Brief, understandable, timely. Brief, understandable, timely.
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